A Very Important List Of Stuff For 2010

Because it’s the done thing around this time of year, here is my list. It’s 10 Things I Don’t Want To See, Hear or Endure in 2010:

1. Any jokes being broadcast on television or radio which take as their start – and end –  point that John Prescott is fat. Yes, he’s quite a stout man, but there are fatter. I mean, is that it? Go for a new angle, why don’t you. Surprise yourself.
2. Celebrity anything.
3. People in shops contorting themselves into peculiar shapes to squeeze past and around other people in order to avoid the appalling ordeal of having to say the words “excuse me”.
4. This:
5. Anyone who thinks the line “Global warming? Bring it on! It’s freezing where I live!” or any variation thereof is amusingly iconoclastic.
6. The Daily Mail having conniptions every time Jonathan Ross leaves his house. Tedious.
7. Any discussion, of any kind, about Twitter. If you use it, as I do – marvellous. If you don’t – marvellous. But, really – we don’t need to talk about it.
8. The spivvy affectation of ending sentences with “yeah?”. Ugly.
9. Radio 4 announcers talking up their parts by spoiling the jokes in the programme you’ve tuned in to listen to, two minutes before the programme starts. I’m sorry that their job isn’t more interesting but, well, hard luck. If you want to be a comedian, go and be one. If you want to reach out to a confusing and uncaring world in order to try and validate your existence, start a blog. But, as it is, just say “And now – The News Quiz” or whatever and then button it.
10. Warts.

A few lines

A tiring week, this week. We were at a theatre that’s been dark for the best part of two years, and I think it’s fair to say that it wasn’t really in the “receive position” for us [Insert Own Joke Here]. Monday (get-in day) was l-o-o-o-o-n-g and difficult. Thrillingly, though, the show’s been playing to full houses, which makes it seem as though there’s some point to it all.

We’re also past the halfway stage of the tour, so a game of “Murder” has been instigated. It’s done the trick of giving everyone a different focus and shaking things up a bit, but also means everyone is looking shifty and paranoid. Mind you, I’ve worked on shows where we didn’t need to fabricate that.

I managed to catch Question Time and was disappointed that Griffin wasn’t subjected to a proper interrogation. There was far too much posturing and hysteria, and, while that might be understandable, it didn’t really serve to expose his inadequacies. A missed opportunity.

Next week is a week off, and I must try and resist the urge to sit in my pants in front of the iPlayer for the entire seven days. Maybe five, give me that.

Flagrant misselling

People keep visiting here looking for something illuminating (I assume) linking Michael Jackson and Nostradamus. I have no such thing to offer. I only have this:

and that, frankly, should be sufficient.

IN SUMMARY: This is the most insightful and best word on last week’s news.