A delight to have the mighty Bernard Cribbins on television on Christmas Day. Until then, here’s something that, while not elaborately festooned in tinsel, has something of the season about it.
a right lot of old nonsense
Archives for the month of: December, 2009
Because it’s the done thing around this time of year, here is my list. It’s 10 Things I Don’t Want To See, Hear or Endure in 2010:
- Any jokes being broadcast on television or radio which take as their start – and end – point that John Prescott is fat. Yes, he’s quite a stout man, but there are fatter. I mean, is that it? Go for a new angle, why don’t you. Surprise yourself.
- Celebrity anything.
- People in shops contorting themselves into peculiar shapes to squeeze past and around other people in order to avoid the appalling ordeal of having to say the words “excuse me”.
- This:
- Anyone who thinks the line “Global warming? Bring it on! It’s freezing where I live!” or any variation thereof is amusingly iconoclastic.
- The Daily Mail having conniptions every time Jonathan Ross leaves his house. Tedious.
- Any discussion, of any kind, about Twitter. If you use it, as I do – marvellous. If you don’t – marvellous. But, really – we don’t need to talk about it.
- The spivvy affectation of ending sentences with “yeah?”. Ugly.
- Radio 4 announcers talking up their parts by spoiling the jokes in the programme you’ve tuned in to listen to, two minutes before the programme starts. I’m sorry that their job isn’t more interesting but, well, hard luck. If you want to be a comedian, go and be one. If you want to reach out to a confusing and uncaring world in order to try and validate your existence, start a blog. But, as it is, just say “And now – The News Quiz” or whatever and then button it.
- Warts.
